I was so inspired listening to Dale Carnegie’s audio book How to win friends and influence people that I hardly know here to begin to make a summary of it.

I listened to it at between 1.5x and 2x speed, so I can still hear the sound of the reader, who was trying to sound like he was from the 1930’s but with an added chipmunk kind of tone.

I am going to focus on 5 immediately actionable takeaways, along with juicy quotes and share links to more lengthy recaps from others.

1. Take an honest interest in others

As a salesperson, I come prepared. Perhaps too prepared.  I have been answering the objections of prospects for over 20 years. I have PowerPoint presentations, a litany of credentials and plenty of energy to share how I can help companies with digital marketing.

Ironically, the secret weapon that Dale Carnegie shares has very little to do with us and our qualifications. It has more to do with how much we honestly care about and listen to others.

If you want to be influential, spend a lot more time talking about people’s likes and interests than merely selling them. Sure, you have to get down to business and show them your stuff but if that is all you do, you will soon be forgotten.

It may only take one small comment such as appreciating a photo on their desk of their family or fishing trip or perhaps the unique artwork on their walls, to start a conversation that builds a friendship. This can open the door for sales and influence opportunities far greater than hammering them with details.

My father, who owned a large advertising agency and sold numerous 100 million dollar accounts, told me a dozen times that I must show interest in a prospect or clients “baby pictures” more than my own. He is like a broken record about how important the relationship is and so is Dale Carnegie. The best influencers live by this and not only get more clients but make many friends along the way.

Just this morning, I heard Donald Trump on the news say that the relationship is key when negotiating. He said that just by looking at Obama and Vladimir Putin together and seeing the lack of chemistry, he can tell that good deals are just not going to happen.

Taking a good hard look at myself, I know I can do better now that I know how important this technique is.

One actionable way you can show interest in others on your website is to use the words “You” far more than “We”. Speaking as if in a conversation to your readers will make them feel welcome, while only hitting them with “We do this or our brand does that” can be a turn off.

2. People respond better to sweetness than bitterness

Abraham Lincoln said that “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall. So with men. If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey which catches his heart, which, say what he will, is the highroad to his reason.”

Dale Carnegie used extensive examples to illustrate how people successfully won the hearts of those they were trying to influence through kindness and not through arguments.

Dale Carnegie also says, “You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”

Criticizing others rarely adds value and even if you know someone is wrong, avoid directly saying it. Don’t push people to lose face, rather empathize with them sweetly and they will much more likely be on your side when asking them to do things or delegating to them.

3. Give honest and sincere (specific) appreciation

Emphasize people’s positives rather than negatives and they will do more for you.

Charles Schwab put it this way: “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.

There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticism from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my appreciation and lavish in my praise”

Just make sure your appreciation is heartfelt. Dale ads: “The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”

And he also says that “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”

People also desire to have stature and a role. They often like the work itself more than the money and so giving them a clear title that helps them feel important, goes a long way in motivating them personally and for your company.

4. Begin by emphasizing the things on which you agree (small yes’s help)

Carnegie says that you should “Begin by emphasizing and keep on emphasizing the things on which you agree”. This concept dates back to Socrates.

The Socratic Method relies on posing your point of view as questions, so that the person must ponder and answer. If you lead with very small questions which you know they will answer yes to, you can start them gently down the road to seeing things your way in a non-argumentative manner.

I recently went to the Michael Port Book Yourself Solid conference in Savanah Georgia. At the conference, we did a small group breakout session where we were asked to do the following exercise:

Tell each other what your upcoming goals are when you get back from the conference and the steps you are going to take to achieve them. Then, your peers, instead of giving you advice, will pose a series of questions aimed at helping you discover the answers on your own.

It dawned on me that this could be used in sales calls and meetings, when conversations are not going my way.

I have studied question-based selling a bit over the years but somehow this felt a little bit different and more like a psychology session.

I had a sales meeting shortly after the workshop, where my prospect was just not responding well to my answers regarding his objections. It was very clear what their problem was and I was 100% certain that my answers were not only accurate but I had over a decade of proof, solving exactly the same problem for other clients.

Regardless, this person just kept on questioning what I was saying and so instead of responding with statements or advice, I started posing a series of questions. Within minutes, the prospect had various revelations that prompted him to tell me he would be sending the signed contract shortly. An hour later I had a fax with a signature.

I may have been able to close the sale with my normal routines and sharing of knowledge, but I’ll never forget how quickly this one turned around when I started to get small yes’s from a series of simple questions. Thanks Dale, Michael Port and Socrates!

5. Show respect for the other person’s opinions and see things from their perspective

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.”  – Henry Ford

It’s easy to get wrapped up in our own needs during the sales process. I recently had a salesperson tell me that it would be great if I could get started today because it would help them meet their quota. Needless to say, that didn’t inspire me to sign up.

What they could have said instead was something along the lines of:  “You mentioned that it was important for you to have a better email marketing program for your client in place before the holidays began. If we can get started today, we would be happy to do the training immediately and help you both meet your goals.”

It is important for you to try and imagine yourself in the shoes of the other person. If you can even remotely envision the position they are in and the obstacles that are important for them to overcome, you’re one step closer to being aligned.

Conclusion

The likes of Warren Buffet have not only studied but credit Dale Carnegie’s How to win friends and influence people to changing their lives.  If you are looking to be an influential thought leader and persuasive authority, it needs to be on your reading list.

There are so many additional great things to learn from it, such as smiling more and using people’s name frequently (because it is the sweetest sound in any language) that this post could easily turn into a book.

Below are a couple links to more detailed summaries and a few more How to win friends and influence people quotes:

1. HubSpot’s recap with a nice graphical summary

1. Forbes takes it into the digital age

• “It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

  

• “Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”
  

• “Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”

What are some of your favorite Dale Carnegie quotes?

Copyblogger Authority Rainmaker 2015 conference review series #1

Sales has changed radically. More radically in the last 10 years than in the last hundred years according to Daniel Pink, author of the #1 bestseller To Sell is Human.

Marketers no longer have the advantage of a captive audience like they did when there were a limited number of media outlets and we have shifted from a world of buyer beware to a world of seller beware. Daniel Pink calls this information asymmetry.

This means you have to sell less and engage more via helpful content.

Dan Pink’s talk was organized into the following structure:

A. One insight
B. Three principles
C. Five takeaways

One insight: What do I do about this?

He mused that top MBA programs don’t teach sales, although they do teach how to manage sales people lol.

Three sales principles

1. Attunement – it’s important to find common ground with prospects If you are just giving a monologue and not listening, asking questions and attuned to your prospects, you’ll never find common ground or create a deep connection.
2. Buoyancy – it’s important to stay afloat in an ocean of rejection Dan said that you can increase your sales experience and buffer rejection by using a positive affirmation such as “you can do this”. Even better is to ask yourself “can you do this?” Top athletes do this before they perform and it makes them mentally prepared for competition by creating powerful internal dialogue that pushes them to affirm what they are capable of.
3. Clarity – help customers learn what questions to ask In this day and age, customers have an incredible amount of answers right at their fingertips. What they often don’t have is someone to help them curate the information and decide what questions to ask.

Five takeaways – sales tips

1. People think that extroverts are better sales people but in reality ambiverts are the best. Glad-handing used car salesman types don’t make the most sales but neither do introverts who can’t leave the house. The good news for many of us is that research shows people who are somewhere in the middle connect with customers best.

1. Asking questions is one of the most powerful sales tools and it helps customers internalize their debate about working with you. Ronald Reagan asked the country “are you better off than you were four years ago?” He did not say to Jimmy Carter, “Your economic policy deteriorated over the last 48 months.” This made people draw their own conclusions deeply. This principle works great when the facts are clearly on your side but does not work great when they are not.
2. A principle outlined by Dr. Robert Cialdini says that a small negative added to a list of benefits of your product or services can significantly increase trust. So next time you add a big bullet list of everything that is so wonderful about you and your company on your website, strongly consider adding a very small negative that makes you more human and believable.
3. Rhymes enhance processing influency. Studies show that rhymes, lists, alliteration and repetition help in marketing. E.g. “Woes unite foes” versus “Woes unite enemies”, works better. Children learn from nursery rhymes and this is ingrained in our DNA. We can make use of this in sales and marketing.
4. Give people an offramp and make it easy. Sometimes it’s not about changing people’s minds but just making it very easy for them to act.

Daniel closed by saying essentially that it is important to serve first and sell second. That helps to make selling human.

When surveyed, Daniel showed how people have very bad things to say about salespeople. In reality, we are all selling something just about every day but the key is helping people by selling what they already want and not pitching to those that have no interest.

There are very few people in the world that like to make or receive cold calls. Inbound marketing uses content to generate numerous impressions of your business, and encourage the prospect to call you. Thought leadership content is utilized a lot less when doing cold calls and prospecting, but before we can begin using that approach, you need to dig into the idea that your job is to educate, as well as solve problems, not “sell.”

1. Educate, don’t sell

The Internet has radically changed the selling process. People have so many options for researching, that they often know who they are going to hire before making a call. You should be part of the conversation to such a level that customers feel like they know you personally, as well as what it might be like to work with you through your blog and content. Or you can continue to mostly pound the phone and wait for referrals.

Referrals, ironically, will check out the content on your site 80% of the time – based on a two year Hinge Marketing study of over 1,000 buyers of professional services – before truly believing that the person referring them is giving good advice.

I still believe in some cold calling too, because there are times when I want to target an exact list of niche companies, but I never just call and ask if they want to work with us. I always lead by being helpful and sharing our content, an upcoming event or an opportunity to co-create content together. Essentially, this ties inbound and outbound marketing together.

When I do meet with people, I rarely use a presentation, and mostly ask and answer questions. This brings me right to the heart of solving their problems and increasing ROI – which is the main reason they will pull the trigger initially.

Lee W. Frederiksen, Ph.D., wrote a book called Inside The Buyer’s Brain that talks about what buyer’s value. As you can see, specialized skills and expertise are critical.

Lee Frederiksen also adds the following insights:

While problem solving was the most common reason that buyers hired a Visible Expert, that was not the benefit they extolled in the end. 

Instead, buyers rank new learning as their biggest payoff. Initially, clients don’t seek out Visible Experts because they want to be educated. But in retrospect, they identify learning as a top benefit of the engagement. For these clients, working with a Visible Expert not only solved their problem, but also helped them see their path forward more clearly.

Benefits of working with a visible expert

The moral of the story is not to underestimate how important educational content is in the sales and consulting process.

2. Build Relationships by co-creating content
   

In the world of selling and keeping clients, the relationship is everything. My father owned the 6th largest advertising agency in New England, and if I had a penny for every time he told me it’s all about building relationships, I could be retired. He’s even come into my office to speak to my entire staff about this topic.

One of the ways that I build relationships is by podcasting with prospects and co-creating content with them. A lot of times, I don’t even follow up specifically to try and turn it into a sale. I simply build lots of relationships and content at the same time!

One example of this is attorney Andrew Laver, former President of the Philadelphia Legal Marketing Association Chapter. After doing a podcast interview with him, he then went about listing it under his publications on his LinkedIn profile.

James Matsukas of Pierce Atwood Law Firm is another example of building relationships with our clients. We met during one of my talks at the New England Legal Marketing Association event, where I then invited him to do a podcast with us. He later put the links to our site, the legalmarketingreview.com, on his bio page. Several months later he became a client, and one of our favorites at that.

Just last week one of my colleagues, John Cass, and I took Jim to lunch. We did this because we want to do a better job on his account, and sometimes feel that things are not moving fast enough. After an amazing first half hour of talking about jazz and food, we ultimately got to the heart of what would make our relationship better.

Sometimes you have to go old school and get face-to-face, and we find consistently that co-creating content creates a unique bond.

3. Follow up regularly using new content

Co-creating content isn’t going to work for every industry. From our experience, one thing that does work consistently is to follow up regularly with prospects by sending them links to blog posts that you have written and various types of helpful content.

Back in the 90’s, my sister was working in sales at McDougall Associates Advertising, and she followed-up regularly by sending other people’s articles to prospects in the mail. She had great success with it because it showed the prospect that she was being genuinely helpful.

It is much more powerful when you combine a follow-up with your own thought leadership. For example, some banks buy “canned” content that they didn’t write and use it successfully to nurture their existing client base. It works, even with content that they didn’t create, but it works better with your own unique content.

In regard to following up, I recently asked legal business development coach Stewart Hirsch if following up with content is one of his recommendations. He agreed and said:

If there’s something that a lawyer has written that has value to another person, passing that on is really valuable and blogs are such an easy way to provide that value.

But to send a blog without having a reason to send it is almost like being in a room, networking in a setting where somebody’s just passing out their card. Just handing them out without thinking about who they’re handing them to or why, when there’s something relevant that’s been written, it can be very valuable.

In the end, it also has to be relevant and put into context. You just can’t blast out random posts to a prospect. If you can figure out what is concerning them and line up your content with their business goals, then you will have a much greater impact.

With this in mind, never call a prospect and say, “I just wanted to check in”. Instead, say something more along the lines of, “I wanted to let you know about this recent blog post that addresses some of the things we last discussed.”

Finding the right people to get your content to will be another big part of the challenge. Using social selling skills, such as digging deep into the organization beyond just the typical person you would contact, can be a great way to increase your chances of connecting.

The CEO might not want to meet with you directly, but by reaching out to them on a social platform like LinkedIn and sharing a helpful piece of content, they might tell you someone else at their organization who would.

No matter what industry you are in, we can all agree that selling has changed. The big question is whether or not your salespeople have the developed sales strategies that will help them avoid looking like an old school used car salesman.

What are some of your favorite modern sales tips for success?